Nathaniel Rodinsky

Instrument: Keyboards

OriginBorn in Saint Petersburg in 1975, Nathaniel began reading Plato at age 10, which quickly developed into a passion for essentialism and absorbing the works of Carl Jung and his followers. Local authoritarians took note of his talent for reading and understanding human emotions, and at age thirteen he became an agent for the KGB until its dissolution in 1991. Deployed as a spy in Tibet, the teachings of the 14th Dalai Lama influenced Nathaniel to become a turncoat and dedicate his career to pursuing world peace. His empathic talents have developed into powers that defy physical impossibility, including levitation, telekinesis, and telepathy.

In 2010 he moved to Chicago to consult for the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists, but his tenure ended in disaster after a public dissent on the accurate setting of the Doomsday Clock. Nathaniel believed it should read 101 seconds to midnight instead of 100, because the Bulletin had overestimated Kim Jong- un’s narcissism by failing to take his irritable bowel syndrome into account. His controversial paper on the topic in the American Journal of Psychology resulted in libel suits from both the Bulletin and the Kim Jong-un estate, which rejects IBS by divine right.

Features: A man bun nonpareil, color-lens glasses that peer through your soul, and always one button short of concealing the appropriate amount of chest hair.

Interesting Fact: Nathaniel once tried his hand as a mentalist. While he knocked the mind-reading aspect out of the park, his bedside manner proved too honest. He still regularly receives death threats from the countless emotional stillborns who cling to outmoded mores to satisfy their egregious narcissism.” Damn, dude.